this...thing...
it's eating me away.
little by little, devouring me. all of me.
some would call it love.
i call it annoying.
i call it something i'm incapable of attaining.
i call it a monster...a cold, unforgiving, life-taking monster.
i can't explain all the ways you devastate me.
"the more you love someone, the less sense it makes."
then i must love you a lot.
but why?
loving someone only gives them the power to break you.
i want to talk to you so bad...
but it's all just another failed attempt.
and yet i keep crawling back to you.
because maybe...maybe this time...
but "this time" never seems to get here.
...is love just a conspiracy?
just a theory that gives us a reason to live?
to wake up in the morning?
you can't look out your window when you wake up in the morning without seeing hate.
but love could be sitting right next to me, soundly sleeping, with me not giving it a chance to wake up and rub the sleep out of its eyes.
does that make me the blind one?
the one that's searching to the point of death for this thing i don't know exists?
i'd die for it.
there's nothing that could change my mind.
but...i can't see it, let alone feel it.
love?
i don't know the meaning of the word.
but it has to mean something to someone.