stupid sixteen-year-old.
what were you thinking?
why couldn't you see that he's a drug?
an addiction you'll never be able to face down?
he tastes so sweet...and yet he's killing you
slowly...
painfully...
he was never forever.
i knew i was on my own the whole time.
i despise my behavior.
i've admitted defeat, but i'll never surrender.
giving in is the easy way out.
but i'm just a stupid teenager...
how do i know if it's real or not?
the feeling of certainty...of pain...
of confusion...
is it reality?
or do i need to change my mindset from truth to lies?
hope is all i cling to. but...
hope...what's the point?
except to be entertained by the spectacle of every single hope i dared to dream shimmering into oblivion, never to be seen again?
i can't bring myself to abandon them.
hope. is. not. death.
it can't be.
what else keeps us from apathy?
what else keeps me hanging on to something i know is too good to be true?
i feel it when you smile at me.
i'd conquer the world for you...even though i'm scared to death of what could happen...
perhaps scared to death of the unknown...
if it meant i got to feel you next to me.
i can see right through you when i look into your eyes, and yet i can see nothing.
you're transparant...
and a brick wall that only she can penetrate.
...whoever she is.
i can't stop myself from desperately wanting with all of me to be her.
i can't stop myself from dreaming with a broken heart.
...stupid, selfish sixteen-year-old.
i can't bring myself to not feel invincible when you're standing next to me.
i've got the world on a string when your eyes meet mine...
when i'm in your atmosphere.
hoping is like staring death in the face.
you never know when it will take you...
torture you...
or turn you loose.
what happens when hope gets the best of you?
you die.
or live.
you hope that hope will be kind...
but you're prepared for it to take your life.
it's so easy to surrender...
but i swear i'll keep fighting.
love is real.
it has to exist.
and i will get it.
someday.
0 comments:
Post a Comment